Most people refuse to believe this, but shortcuts don’t really exist. And when they do exist, they’re usually just hack jobs that get you by.

After all, when was the last time you equated a quality job with an easy job? These are two conflicting ideas that can’t really occupy the same space in your brain at the same time.

So, next time you’re starting something new, ask yourself whether you want quality or easy. Because you can’t have both — that’s like dividing by zero.

Didn’t get the job? Well, you probably screwed up the interview.

In order to get a job in today’s economy, you have to be a genius. Fortunately, being a genius is easy: you just have to do things differently. That’s what makes you stand out.

So next time you’re in a job interview, try to shake things up a bit. Here’s a genius line that will make any potential employer’s jaw drop:

“Oh, I can do that in my spare time. Let me do that project for you for free, and you can hire me if you like my work.”

“Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers?”

-Jack Handy

Everyone knows that first impressions are powerful. When meeting new people, trying new foods, or even visiting new places, our off-the-cuff reactions tend to hang around for a very long time.

Like school. For me, a professor has exactly one class period to make or break an entire semester. If that first lecture is dreadful, I immediately know it’s going to be four long months of toil and pain.

Or like restaurants. If I don’t like a dish on my first time eating somewhere, I’ll probably never go back. The other dishes on the menu might be inexplicably divine — but I’ll never know that, now will I? I’m already in my car, driving away.

Fortunately, not all of our opinions are finalized by first-time encounters.

As humans we maintain an invisible spreadsheet of perceptions in our heads. Not only do we add new rows to this spreadsheet, but we constantly update and delete rows as well. Thus, our first impressions can be revised accordingly (which, in the case of dating, might save most of our lives).

Yet some of us aren’t good enough with ‘invisible Excel’ to make these kinds of changes. Well, it’s time for a crash course in spreadsheet basics. Here are five easy steps to change your impressions on just about anything:

Step 1: Open Your Heart

Gut-level reactions are actually our most natural responses, so our hearts are inherently closed to changing them. Realize that there may be a better way/opinion/frame of thought, and become willing to consider accepting it.

Step 2: Eliminate the Noise

You can’t appreciate Mozart at a rock concert. To see the good (or bad) in something, get rid of the miscellaneous and focus on what’s important. Do you dislike your daughter’s boyfriend 1) because he looks like a hoodlum or 2) you’re not used to your daughter being old enough to date yet? The latter is an example of noise.

Step 3: Start From the Beginning

Nearly any movie can become dreadful if you start watching it halfway through. Rewind the DVD and start judging it from the very beginning. The same can be said of a good meal, a decent boyfriend, or a business deal.

Step 4: Put in Your Share of the Effort

Some habits (or even relationships) require a large investment before they start to pay off. Jogging, for example, is usually quite miserable the first time you do it. Forming your opinion at this stage will always lead to disaster. Continue putting in your share of the effort before giving up completely.

Step 5: Accept the Results, No Matter What.

If you’re an overly negative person, perhaps you thrive off of bad first impressions. Trying to change something that’s in direct contradiction with who you are will never work. So don’t try it.

Surprise: you can apply these steps anywhere in your life.

After I wrote the five steps above, I realized that they can be applied to almost anything in our lives. Got a bad relationship? Use the five steps. Want to actually have a relationship? Use the five steps.

Got a problem at work? Five steps. Can’t seem to kick a bad habit? Five steps.

You can change your life. Sometimes you have to move in small steps, but it’s definitely worth it.

Yesterday I almost smacked someone because they complimented me on my computer programming skills.

It’s not that I’m a bad programmer. I’m actually pretty good. But complimenting someone on their computer programming is like complimenting a chef on his meal: “Wow, this tastes good! You must have really nice pots and pans.”

Any chef can tell you that it’s the love, instinct, and passion that make a meal what it is. Food has its personality, and a good chef can release that personality with less-than-shiny frying pans.

The same goes for computer programming. A good computer program is an infusion of design, data, and determination that form a rhythmic poem in the heart of a computer nerd. Well-written lines of code alone doth not a good program make.

What compliments irk you? Do you ever feel like your skills are undervalued, even when they’re acknowledged?

Good writers are professional con artists. They swindle you into reading things you’re not even interested in.

Like this post. I’m writing about writing — how boring is that? Yet you’re still reading, intrigued.

Surprisingly enough, being a good writer is actually pretty easy. You don’t need flowery words, impeccable grammar, or perfect spelling. That stuff is for English teachers.

Instead, all you need to do is captivate your audience. If people are listening to you (and your grammar isn’t utterly distracting), what else matters?

That’s why I’ve developed this four-part, non-grammatical way of improving my writing. I’m just as terrible as the next guy, but I’m getting better every day.

First, I Think of Writing as a Sport.

Anyone can be decent at sports if they practice enough. There are no bad athletes, just athletes that haven’t practiced enough.

Writing is the same. There are no bad writers, just writers that haven’t practiced enough. Sometimes you need to just pick up a pen (or boot up your computer) and write. Write, write, write.

Want to know a secret? I’m a terrible writer. I started this blog merely to practice writing, because I know I’m so bad at it. That’s it.

Second, I Turn Myself Into an Editing Nazi.

For every post that gets published on this blog, I’ve written two others that never see the light of day. I’m an editing Nazi. And I love it.

Good writing is really just good editing. True inspiration rarely has good grammar, and thoughts rarely come out perfectly the first time. You’d be surprised how many writers have atrocious grammar but good editing skills.

Third, I’m Brief.

No one likes three words when two will suffice.

Finally, I Study About Writing, Not Grammar.

How boring, right? It’s actually not that bad. For a good book about writing, I highly recommend “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser. I’ve heard several professionals say they read this book at least once per year, maybe more. It changed the way I look at writing, reading, and communicating in general.

I also subscribe to several writing blogs. Men With Pens, Freelance Writing Jobs, Copyblogger, and Pro Blogger are all invaluable resources.

Yet I’m still not the greatest writer in the world (you should know, you’re reading my blog). But I’m getting better every day, all without reading any grammar books. Now that’s a deal!

I listened to a talented public speaker in church a few weeks ago. His delivery was flawless — he told stories, shared interesting facts, and gave his personal testimony of the principles he was teaching. Were it not a quiet church meeting, the audience probably would have given him a standing ovation.

Yet I hated the entire thing. He was a really gushy presenter.

Gushy presenters, as I call them, use their charisma and presentation skills to mask their ignorance on the assigned topic. They seek to entertain rather than inform or enlighten. We meet gushy presenters everywhere: at school, work, and (gasp) even church.

Gushy presenters are guilty of what I call “presentation vomit.” Presentation vomit happens when a speaker puts on a great show for the audience (say, like, publicly barfing in front of them), yet fails to make a specific, recallable point that really connects with the audience. The speaker presents it well (after all, who doesn’t love a good barfing?), yet doesn’t really stand behind the things they’re saying.

Recognizing Gushies is Easy

Three tell-tale signs will alert you to a gushy presenter:

1. He tells outlandish stories to try to make a relatively simple point. These stories are shamelessly heart-wrenching and used primarily for their shock factor.
2. He speaks in ultimatums, using words like “BEST” and “ONLY” to describe things that are subjective. Can you really say, “The BEST way to make money online is through blogging”? Of course not — but gushy presenters get away with these sorts of ultimatums all the time.
3. He uses a different tone of voice than in regular conversation. When male speakers are being gushy, they tend to speak in a lower, radio announcer-type tone. It’s really subtle, but definitely there.

Not Becoming a Gushy is Hard

Personally, I worry that about being gushy whenever I speak in public. I don’t want people to think I’m trying to put on a show or seek personal attention for the things that I’m saying. Yet I definitely want them to learn something!

Here’s how to avoid becoming a gushy presenter:

1. Always have a point to the stories you’re telling. Don’t just share stories to occupy time or merely grab the audience’s attention. Relate your stories to your assigned topic, and keep them brief.
2. Give substantial evidence or qualifiers whenever you give an ultimatum. Not only does this promote accuracy in your speech, but it usually adds a great deal of insight to your point. Instead of “The BEST way to make money online is through blogging,” say, “According to a recent survey, the BEST way for non-technical housewives to make money online is through blogging.”
3. Speak like a regular person. Don’t change your tone of voice just because you’re speaking to a group of people. People will connect with you (and, consequentially, your message) if you keep yourself as real as possible.

Becoming a Credible Presenter

Gushy presenters aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, they’re very easy on the ears — that’s why audiences love them.

Yet gushy presenters do not motivate audiences to action. They’re just entertainers. If you really want to change people’s lives, build your personal credibility by dropping the gush from your presentation style. Your speeches will become cleaner, more accurate, and effective.

Something magical has happened since my girlfriend and I started dating: school isn’t a time suck anymore.

Homework, tests, and papers are a constant burden for us as college students.  Even if you spend 80 hours a week focusing on school, you still won’t finish everything.  There will always be something more to do.

That was me two months ago.  Every waking moment was spent at my part-time job or at school.  My homework had me in a strangle hold, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Yet since my girlfriend and I started dating, I’ve put in half the effort on school and still get twice the payoff I deserve.  I’ve gotten A’s on tests with only one or two hours of studying.  Homework never drags on past 12:30am.

People say, “Oh that’s because you already know computer programming.”  Well, I don’t have any programming classes right now.  Everything I’m learning is completely new, and it’s a blessing that I haven’t bombed this semester altogether.

Aside from divine providence, however, I found another explanation for my unlikely success in school.  It’s called Parkinson’s Law:

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its consumption.

The school gods are voracious little devils.  Whether you give them 80 hours a week or 15 hours a week, they’ll still spend it on wasteful and riotous living — and still ask for more!  They’re worse than a teenage girl with her parent’s credit card.

Stop feeding these little devils!  You can get things finished in half the time you thought possible.  Start planning better and stop bemoaning how busy you are.  You’re only as busy as you allow yourself to be.

You can benefit from every kind of sorrow, heartache, mistake, setback, and disability in your life.  Think about it: if you fall, you can always get up.  If you stumble, you can always find your footing again.

What’s the worst that could happen?  Something might kill you.  News flash: none of us get out of this life alive anyway.

Each one of us has a personal brand.  And I’m not talking about the smelly kind.

I discovered a piece of my personal brand today.  I’m a programmer-turned marketer.  I love to help businesses succeed and promote themselves.

That’s just a piece, though.  I also love deep thinking, studying the principles of success, and paying attention to details.

Yet no matter how I define my brand, other people are busy defining it as well.  They hold a record of my personal brand in their brains, too — and I can only influence it bit by bit, through my words and actions.

So, the age old question then becomes: how important is it to manage these remote copies of my personal brand?

I used to believe that if something is truly important in life, you should NOT need to write it down.  You’ll just naturally remember.

Yet I’m only 23 and already forgetting things.  Siblings’ birthdays, people’s names, and meal recipes just don’t stick as well as they used to.  It’s not early onset Alzheimer’s, but rather a consequence of being what some refer to as human.

I’m coping with my humanness by beginning to write things down — especially the important stuff.  I keep a small daily journal to remember details about people’s lives.  That way when I meet them on the street, I can hope for at least a spark from my wet social skill matches.

When was the last time you learned something new about someone you love?  Write it down.  It’s a shame that we, as human beings, need to rely on a pencil from time-to-time.  But trust me, you’ll be glad you did.