Today I made the biggest and BEST decision of my life: to marry Whitney Richards.

Today in church we talked about overcoming trials in our lives. Trials were spoken of as “things that, although they make us suffer, we can become stronger from.” While this is true, I believe we often misunderstand where our trials are actually coming from.

Most people think trials are something that just happen to us. These kinds of trials do exist. But we may be surprised to find that our trials come from many other sources as well.

Possibility #1: We make them up.

Many of our difficulties are actually nonexistent. Yet our mind conjures them up because we feel like we should be experiencing a trial. A good example of this is when we’re “starving” because we haven’t eaten in six hours. Yeah, you’re hungry… but you’re making that starving part up.

Possibility #2: We bring them on ourselves.

Bad relationships, low-paying jobs, broken down cars, and loneliness are sometimes caused by external factors. But most of the time it’s because you ignored the warning signs, sold yourself short, and limited yourself to your fullest potential. Sorry to tell you this, but it’s probably your own fault your life sucks.

Possibility #3: We don’t avoid them.

Are you one of those kids that touches the stove, even though you were told it was hot? What about the people that always seem to be astounded when their houses get destroyed by a hurricane — didn’t you see if coming, living on the east coast and all?

Lots of trials can be avoided. Yet we seem to always be rolling the dice, hoping snake eyes don’t come up.

Possibility #4: We seek them out.

We all know that one person that always seems to be busy. Busy, busy, busy. No time for play, no time for relaxation, no time for service, no time for lunch. No time to do anything, because she’s busy — pitifully busy.

Yet here’s a secret that she’ll never admit to: she doesn’t HAVE to be busy all the time. Yet she wants to be, because that makes her a martyr. That earns her the pity and respect of her friends, and that’s more satisfying than anything else in the world.

This last type of person — the one that seeks out trials and tribulation — is the one that worries me the most.

While I don’t believe that the perfect life is a trial-free life, I do believe that its best to learn what we need to learn from trials and then moving on as quickly as possible.

The best way to move on from a trial is to recognize where it’s coming from. If it happens to be one of the above four sources, know that your trial is only going to last as long as you let it. Because you’re bringing it on yourself.

Today I decided to try something different instead of a Sunday nap. I sat down cross-legged on my bedroom floor and meditated for ten minutes.

While listening to soft music, I tried to control my breathing and cause myself to relax. As I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth, I could feel the stress and cares of the world slipping away as if through the tips of my fingers.

After just ten minutes I feel better than if I had taken a two hour nap. I may have just found the cure for getting through long days of work and school.

Here’s a quick mind test to see if you’re too stressed:

• Do you have a hard time starting the day?
• Do you have a hard time ending the day?

If you answered with two yeses, you’re a little bit too stressed. Just one yes and you’re moderately stressed, and zero yeses means you’re living life the way it’s meant to be lived.

Right now I’ve got one yes.

Yesterday I talked to my grandma on the phone. She asked me how I was doing. I told her, “Life’s pretty good for me right now. I don’t have any midterms this week, I’m not sick anymore, and I’m not behind at work.” Cool beans.

But there’s one problem: I defined my happiness by what I’m not. I’m NOT SAD, therefore I’m HAPPY.

For many people, life really does work that way. Yet as I grow older (and hopefully wiser), I realize more and more that happiness cannot be determined by what you’re NOT. If that were so, you’d find yourself really depressed when things start getting tough.

So, what is happiness then? Introducing… the happiness manifesto.

The Happiness Manifesto

1. Happiness is a product of your own making.
2. Happiness is not a result of your environment, or what you’re NOT.
3. Happiness can come from ignorance, but it’s probably good to avoid this one.
4. Happiness comes from treating yourself right. This includes eating right, exercising often, and indulging in your favorite TV show now and again.
5. Happiness is best when shared with others. Hugs can transfer happiness quite efficiently.
6. Happiness is like matter — it is neither created nor destroyed. It is only present or absent, depending on your perspective.
7. Happiness can always be brought into any situation.
8. Happiness is contagious — surround yourself with it, and you’ll find that it infects you.
9. Happiness means being satisfied with who you are TODAY. Start with that as a baseline before you try and change yourself.
10. Happiness means looking for the best in everyone — and everything.
11. Happiness means eating at the chinese buffet or drinking the occasional soda — life is short, so you might as well live it well.
12. Happiness is something you CAN have. Today.

What else would you include in your happiness manifesto? Leave your ideas in the comments.

I’m no psychologist, but I think there should be something called cyclical depression. It hits me about mid-winter every year.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s that time of year when you think it’s never going to get warm again. Sure, you still know the sun is going to rise tomorrow… but it’s not going to make the snow and ice disappear anytime soon. Boo.

We’re right in the middle of it, people. Keep holding on. Summer will come and we’ll be wishing for the winter chills again before we know it.

Successful people aren’t always happy. I’m sure lots of six-figure income businessmen commit suicide every year.

Yet “unsuccessful” people aren’t necessarily unhappy, either. There are bus drivers and custodians all over the world that love their jobs and look forward to coming into work every day. In my opinion, these are some of the most successful people on the planet.

So, the question is: do you feel a solemn duty to your career? Are you so passionate about what you do that you can’t wait to get up in the morning? Do you feel like your career is an extension of yourself, your values, and your personality?

If not, maybe you should quit your job.

For the past few years, I’ve constantly struggled with the choice to become an entrepreneur. In my mind, for some reason, I associate entrepreneurism with risk. And with risk I associate impoverished living and unpredictability.

But what’s the point of working a dead-end, albeit risk-free job unless you’re absolutely in love with it? Millions of people have spent the last decade pushing papers, hating their lives, yet never doing anything about it.

Loving your career just might mean loving the accompanying risk and unpredictability, too. Maybe it means being in the poor house for a few years. Whatever it takes, at least you’ll be happy. Because you’re fulfilling your solemn duty in your career.

The next step? Courage.

Disclaimer: the following post was originally written in my personal journal. I’m republishing it here because of its inherent implications for a broader audience. I haven’t edited it one bit, so the grammar and flow may be slightly subpar.

Much of the frustration that we experience in life is self-inflicted. We’re a victim of our own minds, creating an imaginary world where we’re oppressed, depressed, and tortured to no end. We think little of ourselves, downplay our successes, and forget the important mission that we’re destined to fulfill in our lives.

Now, I know there are certain conditions that we experience that are not entirely self-inflicted. But if you stop and think about it — for us, the healthy majority of the world, that simply is not the case.

Unless you’re diagnosed with chronic depression, chances are your depressed feelings are largely made up in your head. You experienced a situation that, in your mind, you feel warrants a depressed reaction. And wham — you’re depressed before you know it.

The same thing goes for anger, jealousy, or any other emotion. We find ourselves in a situation where we’re acted upon. We, then, have to select our reaction carefully.

Since society tells us to be jealous when someone has something we don’t, we become jealous. Since society tells us to be angry when someone cuts us off on the freeway, we become angry. We are the product of our reactions, and we default to the reactions that society has imposed upon us.

It’s all in your head. You don’t have to react the same way everyone else does. You can revolt against society, your mind, and even your heart. Don’t give way to feelings of negativity, depression, or anger. You don’t need that in your life.

Be happy.

I hardly ever go to parties.

Don’t get me wrong — I love dancing, loud music, and being around friends. I love meeting new people, learning new names, and having a senseless good time. I can even make myself into a “social butterfly,” giving the impression that I really am enjoying myself.

Yet deep down inside, parties extract a lot of energy out of me. They force me to become unnaturally extroverted and make me very uncomfortable. As a result, I end up hating parties and avoiding them whenever possible.

It’s because I’m an introvert. Chances are, you are too.

Lots of words have been invented for party haters like me. People call us shy, reclusive, quiet, reserved, wet blankets. Psychologists take pity on us, however, and lovingly refer to us as “introverted.”

Fortunately, we introverts are not alone. More than 57% of people are classified as introverted, according to psychologist Dr. Laurie Helgoe.

And we’re not the wet blankets that we’re purported to be. “Being an introvert does not mean you’re antisocial, asocial, or socially inept,” according to Dr. Helgoe in her recent book, Introvert Power. “It means that you prefer spacious interactions with few people. And it means that, when you converse, you are more interested in sharing ideas than in talking about people and what they’re doing.”

So being introverted isn’t a bad thing. We have fun, too — it’s just different from our extroverted counterparts. Where they gain energy from socializing and having a large number of acquaintances, we gain energy from being in touch with ourselves and having a few cherished friends. It’s apples and oranges, really.

Yet society shoves extroversion down our throats.

So why do I feel bad for not going to parties? I’ve spent the last three years of my college career forcing myself to be extroverted, because that’s what seems socially acceptable. Having fun in college means going to parties, having lots of friends, and making small talk with random people you don’t know. Right?

What about having a quiet evening at home watching a movie? What about writing a novel in your spare time, because that’s what you like to do? What about having three or four close friends (and a girlfriend, of course) that you love doing things with?

Why do you need to dress up like a banshee every Halloween, act like a retard when the football team wins, or put on a show when you speak in church? What if that’s not you, even though society dictates that it should be?

You can be yourself and be happy, too.

I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be introverted. It’s okay if you don’t quite fit the mold that society imposes on you. I’ve felt for years like I’m different, and it’s bothered me. But now, since I’ve started learning about what it means to be an introvert, I’m starting to feel like it’s okay to be myself.

But please be careful. It’s not okay to be sad, depressed, lonely, or unwanted. You should never mask deeper problems under the ruse of introversion, and you should definitely seek help if you really feel something’s wrong. If you’re truly introverted, being alone shouldn’t make you feel lonely at all.

I got Introvert Power for Christmas this morning. After only three chapters I’m feeling the social pressure of the last five years lift off my shoulders, and it’s wonderful.

I’m a notoriously negative person.  If my High School Chemistry teacher saw me today, she’d say that a Phosphate ion is more positive than me.  That’s probably saying something, but I’m not sure.

In any case, being negative has its downsides.  Your health suffers, people start disliking you, and your dog will probably run away.

But you can fight the pessimism!  Here’s a three-part prescription to curing your negativity.

Don’t Live in California.

In March 2009, 96% of California residents were deeply pessimistic about their state’s failing economy. Things aren’t much better now: some parts of the state are depending on marijuana sales to make ends meet.  Get out, people! While there’s still a shred of happiness in the world!

Now, I’m only joking about not living in California.  The principle here, however, is valid: avoid placing yourself in negative environments.  Does the evening news make you depressed?  Stop watching it.  Do you feel sad when you have nothing to do on a Friday night?  Get off your lazy butt and call a friend.  Especially if he’s got dashing white hair and always wears a tuxedo.

Hire a Butler Named Alfred.

In Batman Begins (2005), Bruce Wayne’s childhood home is burned to the ground after a run-in with some bad guys.  Bruce (a.k.a. Batman) can only stand and watch as the flames consume everything he holds dear.  In this moment of frustration he exclaims to his butler, “What have I done, Alfred? Everything my family… my father built…”

Alfred responds, “The Wayne legacy is more than bricks and mortar, sir.”

Good friends like Alfred can pull you out of the mud pits.  They can remind you to look on the bright side, even when everything else is burning down around you.

These friends don’t have to be obnoxiously bubbly, either.  A realistic-yet-optimistic friend is worth two perky ones, I say.

Become a Toll Booth Attendant.

Your mind is a highway.  Anyone (and anything) may take passage on its roads, unless you set up a toll booth.  And become a really crabby toll booth attendant.

Whenever a negative (or pessimistic) thought tries to come through your highway, stop it!  You can practice the ultimate price discrimination.  Negative thoughts won’t be attracted to your highway when they find out it’s fifty bucks just to get in.  That’s almost as big of a rip-off as Disneyland.

That’s it!  Giving yourself a good environment, having good friends, and controlling your thoughts can be your secret to becoming an optimistic person.  (If you’re not pessimistic about this actually working, that is.)