This article is part 1 in the series, The Introvert’s Guide to Social Media.

To start off, I must confess that I actively avoided using Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIN until early 2009. I’ve always been well-versed in these technologies, to be sure, yet my introverted personality has kept me far away. The very idea of tweeting or facebooking seemed pointless and retarded.

To be honest, it still seems a bit pointless and retarded to me. Yet the benefits of using social media outweigh the costs, so I’ve learned how to cope with using Facebook and Twitter as an introvert. You can too.

Social media is initially difficult for introverts.

Facebook and Twitter are both gold mines of opportunity for you, both personally and professionally. Yet because we’re introverted, social media is difficult to use:

• We introverts don’t like small talk. It saps a lot of our energy.
• We have trouble seeing the point of meeting random strangers.
• We prefer fewer, meaningful relationships over loose, superficial relationships.
• We don’t usually keep in touch with people from our past.
• We don’t like talking for the sake of talking, and most of us don’t feel like we have anything to say.
• Networking with others isn’t a top priority for us, even if we want to develop ourselves professionally.
• Offering our opinions to others is an intimate and delicate thing reserved only for close friends.
• Gossip is boring to us. Not because we’re ‘morally superior’ but because our brains aren’t wired to appreciate it.
• We have difficulty seeing the purpose of shouting out random messages into the cloud.
• We perceive social media as a superficial, self-aggrandizing show that people use to get attention.

Yet introverts can also be attracted to social media.

Even with these difficulties, however, introverts have some powerful advantages when using social media:

• We like writing and blogging. Writing is a way for us to share our ideas with others without a pesky conversation.
• We like having conversations online, because it is an impersonal medium.
• We like finding out information about random people that we know (aka Facebook stalking).
• We can find niche groups that fit our specific interests.
• We can listen without having to join in the conversation.
• We can direct the conversation however we’d like. We can talk about ideas instead of people.
• We can feel connected to the world without having to go anywhere. Popularity online is as good as popularity offline for many of us.
• We can be brief (even as short as 140 characters) without sacrificing any meaning.
• We can still develop fewer, personal relationships even over Facebook and Twitter.
• We’re conscientious of those we’re talking to, and will never spam or deliberately bother others.

Overcoming your initial resistance is crucial.

I promise, you’re not a self-aggrandizing bigot if you occasionally update your Facebook status. You’re not putting on a show if you send the occasional tweet. While posting self-centered statuses is definitely possible — like how you just fed your horses in Farmville or just took a crap at work — you can avoid that stereotype quite easily.

Through social media, you can be helpful to people. You can share your insights on ideas and cultivate rewarding relationships 140-characters at a time. This type of social networking takes much more effort than the I-just-ate-pancakes-and-need-to-tell-the-world extroverts are capable of, but that’s okay. You’re introverted, and that makes you powerful.

Want to know why I started using Facebook regularly? It was an experiment. I wanted to see if updating my status would reduce the chastisement people would give me for not keeping in touch with them. As an introvert, I don’t like calling people just to catch up. Anything that can give people the illusion of me keeping in touch is a valuable tool indeed.

The results of the experiment? It worked. Marvelously.

Move on to part 2 of this series, How to Painlessly Network With Others as an Introvert. Or, return to the Table of Contents.

Hello. My name is Cody Nolden, and I’m a self-proclaimed introvert.

If you’re not up on the latest news, introverts represent 57% of the population on earth today. We’re quiet, prefer quality over quantity when it comes to friends, and love getting to know ourselves and others through deep conversations about principles, not people. Some of our extremists could be classified as goths, emo kids, or even manga addicts. But most of us are really quite sociable, and enjoy being around people (if kept within limited doses).

Unfortunately, we introverts live in an extroverted world. With the advent of social media, things have gotten even more difficult. For the sake of our careers, we want to talk with people through tools like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIN. Yet willfully networking with people sucks, both online and off.

You can conquer social media, even as an introvert.

That’s what this series is all about. Feel free to jump right to whatever is most interesting to you — we’ll be adding new parts all the time:

• Part 1: Why Social Media Doesn’t Click With Introverts
• Part 2: How to Painlessly Network With Others as an Introvert
• Stay tuned for more!

I hardly ever go to parties.

Don’t get me wrong — I love dancing, loud music, and being around friends. I love meeting new people, learning new names, and having a senseless good time. I can even make myself into a “social butterfly,” giving the impression that I really am enjoying myself.

Yet deep down inside, parties extract a lot of energy out of me. They force me to become unnaturally extroverted and make me very uncomfortable. As a result, I end up hating parties and avoiding them whenever possible.

It’s because I’m an introvert. Chances are, you are too.

Lots of words have been invented for party haters like me. People call us shy, reclusive, quiet, reserved, wet blankets. Psychologists take pity on us, however, and lovingly refer to us as “introverted.”

Fortunately, we introverts are not alone. More than 57% of people are classified as introverted, according to psychologist Dr. Laurie Helgoe.

And we’re not the wet blankets that we’re purported to be. “Being an introvert does not mean you’re antisocial, asocial, or socially inept,” according to Dr. Helgoe in her recent book, Introvert Power. “It means that you prefer spacious interactions with few people. And it means that, when you converse, you are more interested in sharing ideas than in talking about people and what they’re doing.”

So being introverted isn’t a bad thing. We have fun, too — it’s just different from our extroverted counterparts. Where they gain energy from socializing and having a large number of acquaintances, we gain energy from being in touch with ourselves and having a few cherished friends. It’s apples and oranges, really.

Yet society shoves extroversion down our throats.

So why do I feel bad for not going to parties? I’ve spent the last three years of my college career forcing myself to be extroverted, because that’s what seems socially acceptable. Having fun in college means going to parties, having lots of friends, and making small talk with random people you don’t know. Right?

What about having a quiet evening at home watching a movie? What about writing a novel in your spare time, because that’s what you like to do? What about having three or four close friends (and a girlfriend, of course) that you love doing things with?

Why do you need to dress up like a banshee every Halloween, act like a retard when the football team wins, or put on a show when you speak in church? What if that’s not you, even though society dictates that it should be?

You can be yourself and be happy, too.

I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be introverted. It’s okay if you don’t quite fit the mold that society imposes on you. I’ve felt for years like I’m different, and it’s bothered me. But now, since I’ve started learning about what it means to be an introvert, I’m starting to feel like it’s okay to be myself.

But please be careful. It’s not okay to be sad, depressed, lonely, or unwanted. You should never mask deeper problems under the ruse of introversion, and you should definitely seek help if you really feel something’s wrong. If you’re truly introverted, being alone shouldn’t make you feel lonely at all.

I got Introvert Power for Christmas this morning. After only three chapters I’m feeling the social pressure of the last five years lift off my shoulders, and it’s wonderful.

Christmas is a big deal here in the United States. It’s mostly commercialized, of course, but nonetheless it’s a big deal.

But would it be such a big deal if I weren’t Christian? I wonder if I would still give Christmas presents, have a Christmas tree, or even believe in Santa Clause. Would it be the same?

Some non-Christians are really bitter towards Christmas. They either feel it’s too commercialized, too religious, or somewhere in between. Some people just can’t be happy with an extra day off. Would I be like them if I weren’t a “believer?”

Chuseok in Korea

I spent two years as a missionary in Seoul, South Korea. Even though more than 50% of the population is Christian, Christmas isn’t a big deal there at all. People generally see it as a holiday invented by churches to increase attendance numbers.

But, while Christmas isn’t a big deal for Koreans, they definitely celebrate Chuseok. Chuseok is usually referred to as “Korean Thanksgiving Day” in English and is celebrated over three consecutive days in September or October of each year.

Chuseok isn’t a religious holiday. It’s a celebration of the year’s good harvest, a time when families gather in their hometowns to play folk games, eat traditional foods, and pay respect to their departed ancestors.

Being a Secondary Observer

As an American living in Korea, I had no previous experience with Chuseok. I had no family in Korea, couldn’t make any traditional foods, and couldn’t travel to the graves of my departed ancestors. I was a secondary observer of Chuseok, much like a non-Christian might be during Christmastime in America.

Did I feel left out? Maybe a little, because I couldn’t relate with the holiday as much as my Korean peers. Yet I always appreciated the celebrations because I could spend time with people that I loved. Chuseok was always a happy time, a time of rest, and a time to make great memories.

Loving Christmas Too

Even if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, you can still appreciate Christmas at face value. Giving and receiving presents, spending time with family, and snuggling close to the fire can be very rewarding experiences.

Some would contend that, in tolerance of other religions, we should stop designating Christmas as a national holiday.

To me, tolerance means embracing everyone equally — not avoiding hugs altogether. Holidays can be appreciated at face value, whether you’re personally connected to the celebrations or not.

Good writers are professional con artists. They swindle you into reading things you’re not even interested in.

Like this post. I’m writing about writing — how boring is that? Yet you’re still reading, intrigued.

Surprisingly enough, being a good writer is actually pretty easy. You don’t need flowery words, impeccable grammar, or perfect spelling. That stuff is for English teachers.

Instead, all you need to do is captivate your audience. If people are listening to you (and your grammar isn’t utterly distracting), what else matters?

That’s why I’ve developed this four-part, non-grammatical way of improving my writing. I’m just as terrible as the next guy, but I’m getting better every day.

First, I Think of Writing as a Sport.

Anyone can be decent at sports if they practice enough. There are no bad athletes, just athletes that haven’t practiced enough.

Writing is the same. There are no bad writers, just writers that haven’t practiced enough. Sometimes you need to just pick up a pen (or boot up your computer) and write. Write, write, write.

Want to know a secret? I’m a terrible writer. I started this blog merely to practice writing, because I know I’m so bad at it. That’s it.

Second, I Turn Myself Into an Editing Nazi.

For every post that gets published on this blog, I’ve written two others that never see the light of day. I’m an editing Nazi. And I love it.

Good writing is really just good editing. True inspiration rarely has good grammar, and thoughts rarely come out perfectly the first time. You’d be surprised how many writers have atrocious grammar but good editing skills.

Third, I’m Brief.

No one likes three words when two will suffice.

Finally, I Study About Writing, Not Grammar.

How boring, right? It’s actually not that bad. For a good book about writing, I highly recommend “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser. I’ve heard several professionals say they read this book at least once per year, maybe more. It changed the way I look at writing, reading, and communicating in general.

I also subscribe to several writing blogs. Men With Pens, Freelance Writing Jobs, Copyblogger, and Pro Blogger are all invaluable resources.

Yet I’m still not the greatest writer in the world (you should know, you’re reading my blog). But I’m getting better every day, all without reading any grammar books. Now that’s a deal!

I listened to a talented public speaker in church a few weeks ago. His delivery was flawless — he told stories, shared interesting facts, and gave his personal testimony of the principles he was teaching. Were it not a quiet church meeting, the audience probably would have given him a standing ovation.

Yet I hated the entire thing. He was a really gushy presenter.

Gushy presenters, as I call them, use their charisma and presentation skills to mask their ignorance on the assigned topic. They seek to entertain rather than inform or enlighten. We meet gushy presenters everywhere: at school, work, and (gasp) even church.

Gushy presenters are guilty of what I call “presentation vomit.” Presentation vomit happens when a speaker puts on a great show for the audience (say, like, publicly barfing in front of them), yet fails to make a specific, recallable point that really connects with the audience. The speaker presents it well (after all, who doesn’t love a good barfing?), yet doesn’t really stand behind the things they’re saying.

Recognizing Gushies is Easy

Three tell-tale signs will alert you to a gushy presenter:

1. He tells outlandish stories to try to make a relatively simple point. These stories are shamelessly heart-wrenching and used primarily for their shock factor.
2. He speaks in ultimatums, using words like “BEST” and “ONLY” to describe things that are subjective. Can you really say, “The BEST way to make money online is through blogging”? Of course not — but gushy presenters get away with these sorts of ultimatums all the time.
3. He uses a different tone of voice than in regular conversation. When male speakers are being gushy, they tend to speak in a lower, radio announcer-type tone. It’s really subtle, but definitely there.

Not Becoming a Gushy is Hard

Personally, I worry that about being gushy whenever I speak in public. I don’t want people to think I’m trying to put on a show or seek personal attention for the things that I’m saying. Yet I definitely want them to learn something!

Here’s how to avoid becoming a gushy presenter:

1. Always have a point to the stories you’re telling. Don’t just share stories to occupy time or merely grab the audience’s attention. Relate your stories to your assigned topic, and keep them brief.
2. Give substantial evidence or qualifiers whenever you give an ultimatum. Not only does this promote accuracy in your speech, but it usually adds a great deal of insight to your point. Instead of “The BEST way to make money online is through blogging,” say, “According to a recent survey, the BEST way for non-technical housewives to make money online is through blogging.”
3. Speak like a regular person. Don’t change your tone of voice just because you’re speaking to a group of people. People will connect with you (and, consequentially, your message) if you keep yourself as real as possible.

Becoming a Credible Presenter

Gushy presenters aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, they’re very easy on the ears — that’s why audiences love them.

Yet gushy presenters do not motivate audiences to action. They’re just entertainers. If you really want to change people’s lives, build your personal credibility by dropping the gush from your presentation style. Your speeches will become cleaner, more accurate, and effective.

Something magical has happened since my girlfriend and I started dating: school isn’t a time suck anymore.

Homework, tests, and papers are a constant burden for us as college students.  Even if you spend 80 hours a week focusing on school, you still won’t finish everything.  There will always be something more to do.

That was me two months ago.  Every waking moment was spent at my part-time job or at school.  My homework had me in a strangle hold, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Yet since my girlfriend and I started dating, I’ve put in half the effort on school and still get twice the payoff I deserve.  I’ve gotten A’s on tests with only one or two hours of studying.  Homework never drags on past 12:30am.

People say, “Oh that’s because you already know computer programming.”  Well, I don’t have any programming classes right now.  Everything I’m learning is completely new, and it’s a blessing that I haven’t bombed this semester altogether.

Aside from divine providence, however, I found another explanation for my unlikely success in school.  It’s called Parkinson’s Law:

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its consumption.

The school gods are voracious little devils.  Whether you give them 80 hours a week or 15 hours a week, they’ll still spend it on wasteful and riotous living — and still ask for more!  They’re worse than a teenage girl with her parent’s credit card.

Stop feeding these little devils!  You can get things finished in half the time you thought possible.  Start planning better and stop bemoaning how busy you are.  You’re only as busy as you allow yourself to be.

I’m a notoriously negative person.  If my High School Chemistry teacher saw me today, she’d say that a Phosphate ion is more positive than me.  That’s probably saying something, but I’m not sure.

In any case, being negative has its downsides.  Your health suffers, people start disliking you, and your dog will probably run away.

But you can fight the pessimism!  Here’s a three-part prescription to curing your negativity.

Don’t Live in California.

In March 2009, 96% of California residents were deeply pessimistic about their state’s failing economy. Things aren’t much better now: some parts of the state are depending on marijuana sales to make ends meet.  Get out, people! While there’s still a shred of happiness in the world!

Now, I’m only joking about not living in California.  The principle here, however, is valid: avoid placing yourself in negative environments.  Does the evening news make you depressed?  Stop watching it.  Do you feel sad when you have nothing to do on a Friday night?  Get off your lazy butt and call a friend.  Especially if he’s got dashing white hair and always wears a tuxedo.

Hire a Butler Named Alfred.

In Batman Begins (2005), Bruce Wayne’s childhood home is burned to the ground after a run-in with some bad guys.  Bruce (a.k.a. Batman) can only stand and watch as the flames consume everything he holds dear.  In this moment of frustration he exclaims to his butler, “What have I done, Alfred? Everything my family… my father built…”

Alfred responds, “The Wayne legacy is more than bricks and mortar, sir.”

Good friends like Alfred can pull you out of the mud pits.  They can remind you to look on the bright side, even when everything else is burning down around you.

These friends don’t have to be obnoxiously bubbly, either.  A realistic-yet-optimistic friend is worth two perky ones, I say.

Become a Toll Booth Attendant.

Your mind is a highway.  Anyone (and anything) may take passage on its roads, unless you set up a toll booth.  And become a really crabby toll booth attendant.

Whenever a negative (or pessimistic) thought tries to come through your highway, stop it!  You can practice the ultimate price discrimination.  Negative thoughts won’t be attracted to your highway when they find out it’s fifty bucks just to get in.  That’s almost as big of a rip-off as Disneyland.

That’s it!  Giving yourself a good environment, having good friends, and controlling your thoughts can be your secret to becoming an optimistic person.  (If you’re not pessimistic about this actually working, that is.)

You can benefit from every kind of sorrow, heartache, mistake, setback, and disability in your life.  Think about it: if you fall, you can always get up.  If you stumble, you can always find your footing again.

What’s the worst that could happen?  Something might kill you.  News flash: none of us get out of this life alive anyway.

Each one of us has a personal brand.  And I’m not talking about the smelly kind.

I discovered a piece of my personal brand today.  I’m a programmer-turned marketer.  I love to help businesses succeed and promote themselves.

That’s just a piece, though.  I also love deep thinking, studying the principles of success, and paying attention to details.

Yet no matter how I define my brand, other people are busy defining it as well.  They hold a record of my personal brand in their brains, too — and I can only influence it bit by bit, through my words and actions.

So, the age old question then becomes: how important is it to manage these remote copies of my personal brand?